Deeds of Stealth and Cunning: ‘A Rehearsall Both Straung and True' by Arianhwy, barwnes arslwyd

Being a tale of the second year of the Raglan Dooooooooooole, and told at the request of Viscount Yannick

And so, it came to pass, in the year of the reign of Yannick and Alana, that the cry of “Dooooole!” was once again heard in the land, and many doughty archers assembled upon the grounds of Raglan Castle to contest the prize and entertain those who chose to watch. There was much buzz: would the team of female master archers win this year? Would the other teams of master archers win? Or could the West Dragonshire team (this year called WD-40, for the shire and the age none of the team would see again), entirely comprised of non-master archers, defend its well-won title?

In the first year of the Doole, due to circumstances entirely beyond her control, Baroness Arianhwy (no, the other one) found herself in the excellent company of Edmund fitzJohn and Yannick of Normandy, as the three of them won the competition. Some of you are no doubt familiar with the scandalous and downright inaccurate tales of the machinations Arianhwy (the other one, I said) went to to ensure victory. If you haven’t heard the tale itself, you will no doubt have heard its refrain: And Yannick did suffer.

Upon the morning of the second doooole, Arianhwy found her fingers had exploded in blood and pus. Clearly, this was the work of some evil character trying to prevent her from defending her title! Yannick’s defection to sitting in the sun drinking gin and watching whilst wearing a pointy hat had already meant a change in the team: Dame Geneviève la flechière had gallantly stepped in to fill his place.

Courageous Challenges and Desperate Duels: ‘Challenging Dukes for Fun and Profit' by Baroness Arianhwy Wen

So it came to pass that Paul de Gorey was inspired to win Crown for Aryanhwy merch Catmael. At the court that afternoon, it should be noted, Lady Ceara and Lord Cedric of the Floppy Hat’s eldest daughter was elevated to the nobility, in particular for cooking and assistance in the kitchen. There was great rejoicing, and an even greater feast.

Duke Gerhardt wished to speak to the new lady. He called for her during feast, to be told that she was in the kitchen. Duke Gerhardt, who had been libating the present and future crown of Drachenwald, said “In the kitchen? As she should be!”

The assembled populace gasped. I was seated between Lord Duncan Forbes and (then) Viscount William of Richwood. I said, “That comment was grounds for a duel!” and looked at Lord Duncan, who nodded and said “It certainly is,” but stayed seated (the feast was really very good). I looked at the good (then) viscount, and he was nodding, as well; but he, too, remained seated.

So I stood up, and with a cry of “My good lord Duke!” I accosted Duke Gerhardt who, as I have observed, was half-cut. What ensued was him expostulating, and me tearing a strip off this duke I had never met with angry wit. Eventually he accepted the challenge to duel, and said we would meet at Raglan. During ensuing correspondence it was arranged that we would shoot archery, in armour, from the window embrasure, to determine the outcome.

Sadly for him, the Duke was not able to take leave of his modern responsibilities. Queen Aryanhwy judged that therefore he lost the duel, and the honour of Lady Aschenputtel, as she was then known, was preserved.

It is hard to remember, but I think this was before I was actively evil. Note the adverb. How I became so is another story.