Courageous Challenges and Desperate Duels: ‘The Five Duels of Raglan - A tale of caution and consequence' by Lord Guy de Dinan

1

There dwelt a Lady of innocent repose but loose tongue

Whose name is nameless, yet her thoughts careless slung

Of temptations of the flesh, and carnal hope

She professed, and was called 

Trollope

2

Now in this company there was a swordswoman that

Would match blade skill with the instinct of a cat

She riled herself up, hissing at the Man 

Little realising he was called

Guy de Dinan

3

Pray Sir, to this Lady, deliver your apology

Forthwith, or else by the marks of horology

I will show you are in aereo

For I am called

Alessandra De Riario

4

I will not take the demand from the like of you he said

This is little but the wind from the Med

I shall pin your body to a tree!

For insults on my home called

Italy

Courageous Challenges and Desperate Duels: ‘Challenging Dukes for Fun and Profit' by Baroness Arianhwy Wen

So it came to pass that Paul de Gorey was inspired to win Crown for Aryanhwy merch Catmael. At the court that afternoon, it should be noted, Lady Ceara and Lord Cedric of the Floppy Hat’s eldest daughter was elevated to the nobility, in particular for cooking and assistance in the kitchen. There was great rejoicing, and an even greater feast.

Duke Gerhardt wished to speak to the new lady. He called for her during feast, to be told that she was in the kitchen. Duke Gerhardt, who had been libating the present and future crown of Drachenwald, said “In the kitchen? As she should be!”

The assembled populace gasped. I was seated between Lord Duncan Forbes and (then) Viscount William of Richwood. I said, “That comment was grounds for a duel!” and looked at Lord Duncan, who nodded and said “It certainly is,” but stayed seated (the feast was really very good). I looked at the good (then) viscount, and he was nodding, as well; but he, too, remained seated.

So I stood up, and with a cry of “My good lord Duke!” I accosted Duke Gerhardt who, as I have observed, was half-cut. What ensued was him expostulating, and me tearing a strip off this duke I had never met with angry wit. Eventually he accepted the challenge to duel, and said we would meet at Raglan. During ensuing correspondence it was arranged that we would shoot archery, in armour, from the window embrasure, to determine the outcome.

Sadly for him, the Duke was not able to take leave of his modern responsibilities. Queen Aryanhwy judged that therefore he lost the duel, and the honour of Lady Aschenputtel, as she was then known, was preserved.

It is hard to remember, but I think this was before I was actively evil. Note the adverb. How I became so is another story.