1
There dwelt a Lady of innocent repose but loose tongue
Whose name is nameless, yet her thoughts careless slung
Of temptations of the flesh, and carnal hope
She professed, and was called
Trollope
2
Now in this company there was a swordswoman that
Would match blade skill with the instinct of a cat
She riled herself up, hissing at the Man
Little realising he was called
Guy de Dinan
3
Pray Sir, to this Lady, deliver your apology
Forthwith, or else by the marks of horology
I will show you are in aereo
For I am called
Alessandra De Riario
4
I will not take the demand from the like of you he said
This is little but the wind from the Med
I shall pin your body to a tree!
For insults on my home called
5
Pah! Called Guy, empty words you threaten
Italians run from this Breton
I have seen them run before
I have seen them run before
And thus, Riario called
That’s Duel Four
6
Pay heed, you Tuscan Scoundrel
Your head shall be served on a supper Roundel
Fit only to service, you skivvy
That blue box yonder, called
Privy
7
Riario rose from her cups with much rage, so chaleur
Wow, the companions cried, witnessing such slur
I shall see you if you are thus a man
Upon that fair field called
Raglan
8
Pray attend sir, for each you I shall meet
In due course, our parties shall treat
The forms are yours to decide
Steel shall cure that ill called
Pride
9
And thus with grand Principle
Riario resolved to cleanse the municipal
Of the stains of Dinan’s Sin
but her exit missed the warning, called
Lord Dinan’s Grin
10
In hushed tones, news spread upon the ether
Wiser heads counselled this was beneath her
Yet strong Alessandra would not be swayed
Riario only needed that confidence called
Her blade
11
By Raglan Fair it was too late to stop this abomination
As the Principality held its breath in anticipation
For Lord Dinan pronounced Riario thus perilled
With that lethal weapon called
the Herald
12
With splutters of confounded consternation
Alessandra searched the nation
For One for whom victory would be certain
T’was found in her Second, one called
Lynette de Covenham
13
With such an ally and smug satisfaction
Alessandra enquired as to Guy’s action
I have looked from Pembroke to Bala
Your match is met, for she is called
Baroness Mala
14
The crowd was awed, the crowd was hushed.
Yet fates intervened, the duel was crushed
The stage was set, yet Raglan was not to see
for something so humble, called
the bee
15
Who was Dinan’s second, people did dwell
No-one had heard of Thomas Treadwell
Yet when called out from the back
A tall figure loomed called
A mysterious Man In Black
16
The second duel was a royal bolero
A pass each of Bonetti, Thibault, Agrippa and Capo Ferro
Yet stopped to read manuals held by a teller
Prints supplied by one called
G de Dinan, Bookseller
17
Such a performance was an embarrassment
The Man in Black, whose skills were of fundament
To slay Riario in short order, Dinan was cast aside
by a hero from the book called
The Princess Bride
18
Such chaos could not be countenanced,
To a formal Italian duel they were sentenced
To set up in measure, attore and reo,
One would die, called
Riario
19
To keep to time and shorten the affair
And to be honest, a shortage of Flair
A best of three was the plan
That left a body, called
Dinan
20
And thus the fifth exchange came to pass
Prince Elffin, witness, resolved to end this farce
With two shots, he despatched them forthwith
With pistols from a supplier called
G de Dinan, Gunsmith
21
Thus ends this sorry tale of consequence
Wise heads retired, others did wince
For someone did duel on, with much approbrio
fourteen times more, one called
Riario
Excellent.
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